Love to be by the seaside. The seaside in question is Scarborough and as skates go, it’s a pretty easy one to describe. Park at Scarborough Point, face the ocean and turn right, follow the path until you reach the boardwalk and then see if the collective will of the participants is greater than the tour leader. If the answer is yes you tun back, if the answer is no you continue on for a short distance and then turn back. Sam’s provides a fish and chip stop before returning to the car park. For the more masochistic amongst the group you can then turn right for an extension to the skate before heading off home.

With spring having most definitely sprung the cool sea breeze along the front is both a blessing in the keeping you cool department and a nuisance in the making skating hard work department. With the wind following us on the way out, it wouldn’t become apparent just how strong it was blowing until we reached the turning round point.

Michelle and Julie were going to be leading the tour with assistance from Vaughan and Justine. The tour was due to kick off at high noon and by the allotted start time everyone was gathered and raring to go. After brief introductions and a run down of the dangers posed by small children we made the ninety degree right turn and headed off. It wasn’t long before the small child warning was being put to the test as we passed a series of play grounds, a combined bungy and trampoline experience and an out door swimming pool. At each attraction numerous rug rats were busy disregarding any semblance of personal safety as they weaved erratically around (mainly in the middle of the path) in their ongoing quest to get to their next ice cream / bucket of water / handful of mud. At each encounter we all slowed to a crawl and carefully picked our way between the unpredictable little ankle biters.

As we approached the Redcliffe jetty the idea of skating to the end and getting a group photo was put forward, however it was pointed out that the jetty is festooned with a number of warning signs telling the general public that not only is skating banned, but also the riding of bicycles, skate boards, scooters and all other forms of vehicle. On top of this, you are not allowed to take an animal out there, to jump or dive off it, to cast a net, consume alcohol or behave in a disorderly manor. If that’s not enough, you are also banned from interfering with a council officer in the performance of the officers duties (presumably the jetty police have a full time job ensuring orderly behaviour is observed at all times in such a riotous environment). In the end we skated past and took the photo further on least we be caught breathing too loudly in the vicinity of the jetty.

After a brief rest we arrived at the start of the boardwalk. The last time we had skated this tour, the collective will of the group had overcome Julie’s insistence that skating over wooden planks is in fact fun and managed to turn back. This had been helped in no small part by the presence of Bruce who had no hesitation in siding with the group in all maters involving a minimisation of physical exertion. Michelle on the other hand was not such an easy touch. The route included the boardwalk and that was the way we were going. We set off quick smart and were soon having our feet gently massaged into a state of total numbness. With the wind behind us the end came pretty quickly and we skated on only a short distance before reaching the tuning round point.

It was now that we suddenly realised how much wind assistance we had been receiving. As we made the 180 degrees about face, the full force of the ‘breeze’ hit us square on. A perfect chance to practice a spot of drafting was Michelle’s answer to hurricane Scarborough and a quick demonstration with Vaughan leading the way was duly observed by all. The theory was simple. The lead person cuts through the wind with the followers slip streaming in their wake. To stay close together each person places their right hand behind their back and uses their left hand to gently touch the person in front’s right hand. Thus you end up with a chain of people all skating in perfect time cutting neatly through the wind and so minimising the effort required to cover long distances. Well, that’s the theory. The practice was slightly less elegant. Within a few strides the chain had concertinaed up to the point where people were tripping over each others wheels. This then lead to the breaks forming every couple of people until we ended up with a long spread out line of skaters all desperately trying to catch up with each other. The end result was less of a train and more of a train crash. This was a technique that could definitely use a spot of work!

By now, lunch was beckoning and our lunch stop of choice was going to be Sam’s on Suttons for fish and chips. We all trooped inside and placed our orders before grabbing an outside table to sit and enjoy our various deep fried delights. Entertainment was provided by a rather dour pair of lounge singers performing in the nearby bandstand. As they slowly murdered any number of classic tunes you could see the surrounding crowd being lulled into a deep sleep. The piece de resistance came when they sang ‘Happy Birthday to You’ so slowly the lucky recipient looked like they were hunting through their bag for a packet of razor blades.

An interesting poster on the wall of the shop did catch my eye. The Sam’s junior film club was going to be screening an afternoon matinee of Finding Nemo. Yes kids, watch the film then eat the star deep fried in batter. An almost perfect match.

With lunch completed we once more headed into the wind and continued picking our way along the busy path. At this point Kerry, skating quite innocently, past a rather unsteady elderly gentleman was slightly taken aback when he fell over right in front of her. It must be stressed that there was absolutely no contact between either of them; it was just that the incident happened when they were in close proximity. Kerry immediately stopped and rendered assistance helping the old chap up and retrieving his sandwiches for him. One final check to make sure he was alright and she carried on her way. As we all stopped for a rest, the first question she was asked by the assembled group was ‘why did you kick that old man down’. After vigorously protesting her innocence, everyone was satisfied that nothing untoward had occurred however as the people who had been skating behind her arrived they too wanted to know why she had ‘viscously chopped the old man down’? Another round of explanations ensued just as more skaters arrived wanting to know why she had ‘body tackled the innocent pensioner’? By the time the tail arrived the question had been elevated to one of ‘what had he done to deserve that violent unprovoked attack’?

The car park soon loomed into view and the main part of the skate was officially over. At this point the option of an extension was given and the take up was pretty limited. In the end the takers were me, Kerry, Vaughan and Michelle. As Vaughan was trying out a new pair of four wheel skates, his five wheelers were sat forlornly in the boot of his car. As I have the same size feet as him, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to release them from there dark prison and give them the airing they so rightly deserved. Vaughan kindly agreed to let me borrow them and so after a quick change I was tottering around on an impressively long wheel base! It took a few minutes, but I soon had the hang of them and was shooting off at a rate of knots down the empty paths we were now following. I have had a little go in these skates before, but this is the first time I had tried them in anger as it were. To quote a certain cloaked gentleman, they were impressive, most impressive!

The extension was over all too soon and as we returned to the car park we said our final goodbyes before heading home after a windy but enjoyable afternoons sk8ing.