After last weeks promotional skate, the Planet Inline Gold Coast launch campaign stepped up a gear this week with the first in a series of free Learn-2-Brake classes. The idea was a simple one. A spot of pre-publicity, followed by Monte, Michelle, Vaughan and a bunch of newly qualified ICP instructors setting up at ANZAC Square along with a large pile of hire skates, pads and helmets. Combine this with a cross section of the passing public and hey presto, instant publicity! Well that was the idea anyway.

Knowing exactly where I was going this week allowed for some precision staying in bed until the last possible moment followed by an uneventful drive down to the Gold Coast. Pulling into ANZAC Square car park at exactly thirty seconds to ten revealed that Planet Inline was not the only organisation seeking publicity on a bright but slightly chilly day. Southport council had organised a Monster Machines Day on the patch of grass next to the Square. While Monster Machines Day sounds impressive in principle, what it actually seemed to consist of was the entire contents of the local municipal works vehicle depot moved to this patch of grass. Thus we were now sharing space with a collection of rubbish lorries, road sweepers, tractors and diggers. While non of these ‘Monster Machines’ were actually running, the assembled crowd (of mostly small boys) had free rain to clamber all over these mechanical marvels. Fine in principle, until they discovered that the horns still worked even with the engine switched off. For the next five hours, the surrounding area was treated to the soothing cacophony of twenty odd lorry horns being blasted at one another in an endless contest of ‘I can make more noise than you’. Combined with the obligatory inane DJ announcer and a team of dancing robots, the whole spectacle made for one head ache inducing racket.

With rubbish lorries (sorry, environmental waste management facilities) as our backdrop, we began setting up for the day. Vaughan and Andy were dispatched to Skate Biz to fetch the hire skates, pads and helmets while Pepsi rashly volunteered to take charge of the broom and begin sweeping away stones. Monte and Michelle unfurled a large Planet banner and began attaching it to the fence while the rest of us shuffled cones around in an attempt to mark out practice areas. After a few minutes, Vaughan and Andy reappeared in a car loaded to the roof with skates. We worked relays to empty the contents onto a patch of grass that had been designated as the sign up point for the whole operation. The huge jumble of equipment was then sorted into some semblance of order and the setup was complete.

Now everything was in place, Monte gave us a quick run through of the plan. First, potential clients had to sign the standard Planet waiver. Next they would have a skate fitting before being padded up. After checking to see if they had skated before, they would be run through the standard fun but safe talk, shown the ready position, how to fall over, how to get up and then on to the A-frame, scissor and a spot of v-walking on the grass before moving onto the tarmac. If this went well, we could move onto braking. We should be looking at twenty to thirty minutes with each person and we needed to give them a flyer at the end of the lesson.

Within minutes, the first interested people began to turn up and an obvious pattern to the day emerged just as quickly. While fathers watched over small boys fascinated by the workings of municipal vehicle lorry horns, mothers with small girls were milling about with a board look on their faces. Spotting the opportunity to pass the time with a free skate lesson, they quickly migrated to the far side of the square and signed up for some lorryless entertainment. Thus, my first charge was a mother named Pam whose daughters were under the supervision of Pepsi. She had skated once before, had fallen over and never tried it again. She had told her daughters that if they had a go, she would have a go. We were v-walking on the grass in no time, but a quick excursion to the tarmac bought back bad memories and no amount of reassurance stopped her from wanting to get the skates off. Even an offer of a spin round with Monte wasn’t enough and so my first lesson was over after less than ten minutes.

My next pupil was an eight year old girl who had fantastic balance, followed instructions brilliantly and even looked up the whole time. In twenty odd minutes we got all the way to braking and the hardest part of the lesson was persuading her that it was time to stop.

The beginners corner of the Square was now starting to resemble a skate kinder garden with any number of small girls and the odd small boy being towed around by the instructors. The occasional adult thrown into the mix towered over the majority of the pupils. This surfeit of little people was causing a new problem in so much as the majority of skates and pads were of a middle to large size. The limited supply of small skates was in almost constant use and the lack of small pads meant that medium elbows were doubling up as small knees. This lack of small gear became very apparent with my next pupil; an extremely slight four year old (although she rather pointedly remarked that she was actually four and a half when her mother told me her age). A combination of the smallest elbow pads in conjunction with a pair of junior wrist guards completely covered her arms. The small knee pads looked like a pair of leggings and the smallest skates we had still looked like Frankenstein boots on her. Fully kitted up, she looked like an angelic Robocop on wheels. I decided to forgo the full safety talk (limiting it to make sure mummy or daddy is watching you if you play on skates) as her mother had retired to the grass to watch and explaining that she shouldn’t skate on roads with white lines seemed a bit pointless as she shouldn’t be playing on roads at all.

Standing up straight, her head came to just above my knees. Bent double, I could just about walk backwards and pull her along behind me. I had been doing this for a couple of minutes when Monte intervened. My basic mistake had been to stand up. I was towering over the poor girl and thus being extremely intimidating. The technique for really small children it turns out is to kneel down, therefore bringing you down to their level. Facing them, you hold out your hands and encourage them to skate towards you. If they fall over, you make a joke of it, pick them up and carry on. They are extremely flexible when they are this young and they won’t even notice the odd stumble. Monte handed her back to me and I started using this new technique to great effect. She was now smiling and looking like she was having a lot of fun. My knees on the other hand were taking a serious pummelling.

After getting robo-angel out of her skates and creaking back into an upright position, it was time to get something to eat. Carl was sitting on a nearby wall happily munching on some kind of meat based sandwich which looked reasonably appetizing. One quick enquiry later revealed that it had been purchased at the Monster Machines Day sausage sizzle stall. Two minutes later, I was standing in a queue of frustrated looking council employees, marvelling at a display of dancing robots whose costumes seemed to consist of cornflake boxes sprayed silver with a stainless steel funnel on their heads and enduring an endless stream of tuneless air horns being blasted in my ears.

One limp steak sandwich later and I was ready for my next charge. This time I was the recipient of two small Asian girls whose primary language appeared to be French. Luckily their father stuck around to translate my instructions and while he helped the younger girl, I took the slightly older one up and down a few times before attempting a go at braking. She was just starting to get the hang of it, but the younger girl was getting tired and the father decided it was time to call it a day.

By now, it was getting on for three o’clock and nearly time to pack up. This was a shame, because word was starting to get round and young children from near and far were turning up for a ‘free skate’. Monte set a cut off point and I had one more child to teach. She was actually the older one of a pair of sisters, the other being taken by Pepsi. When I say older, she was still less than eight and a bit unsteady on her skates. I was doing my now well practiced skating backwards while steadying the young lady as she skated forwards. This had worked well so far and not caused any problems. This was all about to change. Suddenly, the girl shot forward out of control and disappeared between my legs landing on her back. This had the unfortunate effect of pulling me off balance so that I fell forward as well. I came within a whisker of crushing this poor girl flat. At the very last moment, I stuck my arms out and somehow managed to arrest my fall before tragedy struck. With heart racing, I rolled over and sat on the floor. She sat up and gave me an ashen looking weak smile, more in terrified relief than grateful appreciation. Luckily, her mother seemed most unperturbed and I carried on skating with her, but adopting the safer at her side position.

Ten minutes later and it was time to call it a day. With aching back and sore knees, I helped pack up the gear, take down the sign and transport everything over to Vaughan’s car. The monster machines were also winding down and being packed onto the back of trailers for return to the council depot. A hushed calm once more returned to ANZAC Square as we pulled off our skates. McDonalds was suggested as a stop off for tea and almost everyone took up the offer. Eating a variety of burgers, washed down with shakes, we came to the general agreement that the old adage should be reworded - ‘Those that can do, those that want a real challenge teach!”

Fed, watered and more than ready to go home, we all said our goodbyes before heading off back to Brisbane following a backbreaking, knee scrapping but ultimately rewarding days sk8 teaching.